What To Do When Facing Deep Cuckold Regret and Angst

woman pulling up skirt and showing butt

So you shared your wife and either during or after you got hit with the most intense emotions of pain, regret, anxiety, and confusion. Some people have these feelings as well as facing powerful arousal about the situation but this isn’t always the case and it can be a rollercoaster of emotions that you don’t really see a lot of people talking about.

My wife Sarah and I have seen and done it all, we were once newbies and the first time we ever shared my wife, I had some feelings of regret and it was a difficult situation to come to terms with. You can see my first-time here.

Becoming A Cuckold Was The Biggest Mistake Of My Life?

lubing up hand

When my wife and I first did it, there was a flash of regret that rippled across my mind, I wondered if we had acted on impulse, if this would change everything and if my wife would look at me in the same way but it didn’t and we both came to terms with it and cuckolding has worked out very well for us.

However, if you’re here you may be asking yourself if it was a big mistake or you may be wondering if people do face regret after cuckolding.

We want to normalize regret and angst, it’s totally normal but understanding that the feelings will most likely arise after you have done it and take a while to fizzle away is key to having a great experience and understanding the changes you are making to your relationship. You may have done it before and now be looking for answers or you may be ready to try cuckolding and educating yourself on mistakes and regrets, all of this is good and no matter where you are on your journey, learning about these emotions that come associated with this lifestyle is a great move and a step in the right direction.

What Causes The Regret And Angst For A Cuckold

list of things that cause cuckold angst and regret

So, what causes all this regret and angst most cucks feel? Often as a cuckold what you crave is also what will hurt the most and with a lot of cucks, the biggest amount of pain = the most intense arousal.
The idea of your wife staying at another man’s house, cuddling him, watching Netflix with him, sucking his cock and letting him fuck her with no condom, all turns you on, but also makes you restless.

Sometimes new cuckolds don’t understand their emotions and why they are feeling a certain away about something they have always wanted and so I wanted to outline some of the feelings and explain to you why they usually happen.

What really causes the cuckold discomfort…

This is what really causes the cuckold angst and discomfort:

  • Out of control: Being out of control, unaware of what is happening, and feeling like you are being left out is a huge factor to feel discomfort during a cuckold.
  • Mistake: This feeling can come up when you’re not a cuckold and you find this out whilst sharing your wife.
  • Better Kept As a Fantasy: For some people the fantasy is hotter than the reality.
  • Rushing into things: Going from nothing to sharing your wife with your best friend.
  • Solo Dates: These are risky, especially if you haven’t had a threesome or played together before, the jealousy can happen instantly.
  • Overnight Stays: Probably the highest level of emotions are when your wife stays are her new boyfriend’s house, for a lot of couples this is a no go zone (especially at first). During this time you have no idea what is going on and only your imagination to contend with.
  • Wife has emotions building: Sex is powerful and when you follow simple cuckold rules, it’s easy to keep it to just sex, but if bending rules is what you enjoy as a hotwife/cuckold then it’s easy for emotions to form and create a lot of real, non-kink related pain.
  • You fantasize about being the bull: Some cuckolds actually get off at the idea of having a big dick and fucking someone, but they get mixed up and think that makes them the cuck, it’s only when your wife is with another man that you realize you wanted to be him, not the one in the corner of the room.
  • Change of relationship: The worry that cuckolding will change the way your relationship works and even break it down in some cases.
  • Judgment from friends and family: A lot of newbies have this worry and rightly so, people can be so judgemental and totally ignorant of certain lifestyle choices. We do recommend not telling those closest to you, keep it to yourselves, there’s no reason to share such an intimate thing with anyone.
  • Judgement and humiliation from yourself for letting it happen is also a huge concern and is common but hopefully if you start slowly you will combat this feeling.

How To Overcome & Avoid These Emotions

guide to avoiding cuckold emotions

It’s really easy, in my time in the lifestyle I’ve spoken to so many guys about cuckolding, threesomes and the lifestyle and what is awesome is that most of the bad emotions that you don’t want you can avoid if you take the right steps. Following my steps, you will also face the problem before it’s too late and it will give you time to consider if it’s really an option for you and your partner or not.

The steps to avoiding bad cuckolding experiences and emotions:

1. Start Slow (The most important lesson).

If you want to follow a guide, this here it’s my cuckold training manual and it shows you the steps on becoming a successful and confident cuckold.

Don’t share your wife as the very first step, try signing up to Tinder together and having her flirt and sext some other men, then try the webcam method (find out if you’re a cuckold) and have her play with another man online, while you watch.

This will help you find out if you’re a cuck or just think you are. Then watch her flirt with someone in real life, maybe go to a sex club, then try a soft swap, maybe with another couple or with a guy. Then move onto a threesome and finally a solo date. If you go slow you’ll also get little amounts of the emotion and you will be able to see how easily you deal with it and what issues you need to work on first.

2. Explore the fantasy

Watch porn, read erotica, join a forum or two, (join our cuckold membership), ask questions, and make a list of what you like and what you don’t like. Your wife should do the same (if she’s open to it). This list will help you avoid certain pain and it will put you both onto the same page.

You should also work out what part of cuckolding you enjoy. Is it solo dates, voyeurism, texts, threesomes, bi-sexual/sissy, humiliation, etc. (Read all of the cuckold fantasies we have). You need to find what it is that you both definitely like the sound of and explore that through things like erotica, sex clubs, porn, and other ventures.

3. Don’t Believe All Cuckold Relationships

The view that some couples give is that there is no respect, the wife cheats as she pleases and the cuck is worthless and this is going to work for everyone. When in fact all of the couples that I’ve met and seen, this is an act, it’s part of the fantasy and behind the scenes, there is a massive amount of respect and love for one another. Don’t let the cock cages and humiliation make you think that is how your relationship has to be all the time. It’s part of it and if you’re the right type of couple it will be a thing that is turned off and on when and as you both please.

4. Create Some Rules

Most couples have a list of rules, these can be changed over time and always will be once you learn what you really do like and dislike. However, starting with a list of do’s and don’ts and a list of fake do’s and don’ts is important. An example of fake do’s and don’ts is things you don’t want them to do, but actually want them to do in the heat of the moment, this is all part of the fantasy. Then there’s the real list, anything that is done on this list is a big no-no. We created a list of Cuckold rules that you can pick and choose from if you need some inspiration.

5. Understand What You’re Getting Yourself Into

This is what will happen:

  • Your wife will most likely cum harder than she ever has with you, especially if you’re watching or joining in, the experience of being with someone new and having two men creates so much intensity and it’s very common to experience a few truly powerful orgasms. This is something lots of swingers and people in the lifestyle talk about.
  • Your wife will find someone hot, sometimes someone hotter than you.
  • You will most likely see a guy who is better than you in every way with your wife, exploring her body and pleasuring her.
  • Seeing your wife treat another man in a way she doesn’t treat you but you wish she would.
  • You will most likely see your wife behave like a slut.
  • You will become a cuckold, watching from afar, getting off on the humiliation of it all.
  • Your relationship will change but if you have followed the steps and it’s something you both still want to do, it will change for the better.
  • Understand that bulls are usually bigger than you in the cock department.

6. Have Boundaries With Your Bull

It’s a good idea to set clear boundaries with the man your wife or girlfriend is going to be fucking. Make these boundaries together and let your bull know, they can be absolutely anything that you don’t want, for instance: no turning up at the house announced, no thinking you’re in a relationship, this is just sex, no hand-holding, no anal sex, etc. It’s one of the reasons finding a bull who has had some experience with a few hotwives is so important, the beginners can sometimes (not always) come along with a weird understanding and even creepy energy that you won’t want in your life.

It also doesn’t hurt to have a cuckold aftercare routine, a way for you both to connect again after.

7. Avoid Mixing It With Your Personal Life

At the start it’s a good idea to keep the lifestyle away from your friends, people do talk and until you have a few new friends in the lifestyle it’s a good idea to not share with people you know. It can seem the easiest to get a best friend to play with your wife, but once the excitement is gone for your wife and she wants to move onto another man it can leave a creepy friend who now thinks he is part of your relationship and you will find you have now mixed friendship with cuckolding.

Find new friends to play with is the best advice I can give you and keep the two groups seperate. The only time I would suggest mixing with friends is if they completely understand and you are all completely honest, open and respectful.

Being A Cuckold Is Awesome (for the right people)

group of cuckolds

I find with a lot of people in our community who are starting out there is so much guilt and quite a lot of repression associated with wanting to share your wife/girlfriend with another man. The truth is, loads of men want to try it out and loads of men do it, most of which you would never realize do it anyway.

You’re not weird for wanting this experience and you should never feel guilty for these emotions, even if your wife/girlfriend doesn’t understand.
Reach out to people, join a few forums and lifestyle Reddit pages. and you’ll see that there’s an awesome community behind this and for the people who don’t understand It’s not your job to explain to people why you like what you like.

If discussing everything with your girlfriend/wife turns you both on, you both understand the consequences and the outcomes of the sitations and you are both ready for new emotions, scenarios and experiences and you have eased yourself slowly into the cuckolding lifestyle, then this commuynity is for you and if you want to ask any questions, just send us a message or leave a comment below any of our articles.

I'm the cuckold of cuckin.com. I write about my experiences sharing Sarah and about the things I learned. I've been a cuck for the past 4 years of our relationship, but have been studying this lifestyle for the past 10 years, when I first found out I got turned on by the idea of my partner being with other men.


  1. Thanks for all of this info. I feel like the word “trust” covers it all. Trust in total transparency, trust in her telling all the details and emotions of the event, answering every question. Trust that she is totally yours and you are totally hers and that this has all to do with variety and nothing to do with love. Trust the you won’t get turned off and leave.

    • Thanks for the comment Devon! You’re so right, trust is key to making a relationship work, especially if you want to open things up. – Sarah <3

  2. Exceptional advice much appreciated!!

  3. Very well written article. You know your subject matter and can get it across to people.

  4. Thank you for the article. I sent this to my gf as well and we both found it helpful. The only thing I think the artice neglected to pay more attention to is dealing with the thoughts and emotions themselves after the fact. Most of the advice given here are “precautionary measures”. But what if you never read this article and because of ignorance you did exactly the opposite (for example, letting your partner go to a solo date for your first cuckolding experience). How are you going to deal with the jealousy and angst and regret? Are there thoughts you can tell yourself to feel better? Are there tools or exercises? I am asking becaus I am in this boat. Shared my partner in a solo date and now I’m in pain. We should’ve taken it slowly. I get the precautionary measures you’ve outlined here (we will do it). But what can I do to feel better now?

    • I am in this same situation. It was our first experience and she went on a solo date with a guy met on tinder who didn’t actually know about what cuckolding is. I really felt excluded and I’m really in pain now. I don’t know what to do, I didn’t want it to happen like this.

  5. For the guys who already ventured into the experience without preparing yourself mentally. The worst thing you can do for your relationship is to blame her for anything. This will 100% hurt your relationship and increase the pain.

    Remind yourself

    1) You wanted this and you probably encouraged her to do it while enjoying the rush.

    2) This was something you did together, do not blame her or call her name’s. Even if you feel betrayed or angry. Your mind will play tricks on you, maybe even make you think she legit cheated. Remind yourself it was an experience between both of you and she did it for you!

    3) The crazy feelings will pass and you will want it again, if you react badly now, odds are she will decline any future kinks due to you being unstable and unhappy now. At this point accept what happened, reclaim her and everytime a negative thought pops in remind your self of the above points. You wanted this, you did it together. It won’t take long for the pain to pass and you will want to go again.

    Happy cucking

  6. My wife went on a date to the movies with a guy we are mutually think would be great for our first time. As they were at the movies, they both started to touch each other outside of there clothing and that was as far as they went. Once she returned home she told me everything that happened and shown me first hand the touching. I had a roller coaster emotion ride and don’t know how to handle this. I am very excited about what happened, but also conflicted. Any advice would be great. I think I would be happier being present and she is agreeing that may be what my feels are. Both are not sure

    • Thank you for this nice article. It really outlines the way u shoul start ur relationship as cuck. I am in cuckold relationship for 6 years now and I am experincing different fantansies. Currently Im in chastity cage for almost 16 hours a day snd I am allowed to cum once per month , a lot of are ruined orgasms. My mistress wife have sex with me twice per year and those feels amazing. She has sex with different bulls weekly. I really enjoy this life. But most importantly, we have true love and respect for each other. And despite all thd humiliation I got duringthe cuckold sessions. It fades away once the bull goes home and we set bsck toghther. Again I love her soo much and does feel the same for me

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